Whats it like dating a 22 year old girl
I know every article on the internet tells you to run from borderline women, but I do things differently around these parts. My relationship history is full of attractive BPD women. A decade of drama and chaos to put it lightly…. But, I made it out alive and have managed to remain amazing friends with many whoshere dating site who most likely have BPD. I have dated dozens and dozens of women over the years. A powerful set of relationships mindsets are the answer for dating women with BPD. I am a mindset coach.
I am going through the same thing. I read all the year in this article. Especially where you said you miss being happy without feeling sad about it right after. I started going to therapy, i hope it helps. And you will dating Mason March 27, at pm Reply. Problem is, I have to socially isolate because I have no choice. No friends, very few dating opportunities pretty rarely, ultimately one of us is way more interested than the othernot really any family.
Richard February 28, at pm Reply. Finding this site for the first time this evening. I too find myself in extreme isolation. This is not something that is entirely new to me. I would say that for the majority of my life isolation has been a major factor. I had generally learnt to cope with it as it became my norm. However recently a series of events have occured old mean that suddenly I am not coping with it. The past month has been a hellish experience, and I do not see my way through it.
Not only do I not have the social contacts and interactions which appears to be like among users of this sitea few years ago I chose to live in a foreign country, where I do not properly understand the language. Therefore many of the solutions for alleviating the problem are not available to me. It seemed adventurous at the time and I had a few years of enjoying the changebut now it would seem that the chickens have well-and-truly come home to roost, and I am suffering terribly because of my foolish choices.
I have reached a point where I am barely functioning throughout the day. Alanamae Duff April 11, at pm Reply. Nice to whats to communicate a little tho. My 20s were a little more social, but still make seed alot. Rarely find ones to relate to. And where Should you be?? Diedra February 26, at am Reply. I am glad I found this! I have been socially isolating for about 5 years.
I have 2 kidswho were 13 and 17 at the time it all went downhill for me. I had a big group of friends I went on vacations withspent many weekends with, all the parents of my daughters friends. I had a job I wanted and worked very hard to get. Things were going pretty well for my family. My son was getting into trouble for a couple yearshe was wildsmoking potdrinkingthings I went through and thought he would grow out of.
He definitely had alot of anxiety like friends and schoolwe decided to get him into counseling at 15 ,or All the while my son was self medicating with zanex. It was too latehe was addicted to zanex. By his senior year was totally out of control. He had violent mood swingsstopped caring about school or real lifestarted selling drugssneaking out in the middle of the nightfighting with us about everythingquit his job, got arrestedgirl was so bad.
Did I mention that I was a stay at home mom for 10 years, and a teacher? I realized that my friends were not there for meI was afraid to be judged by them bc my son was addicted to drugs. None of my friends seemed to notice or care about what I was going through. I cried all the timemy son took over my mind. If I went out for drinks with them I ended up crying and going home. My daughters friend told her parents I yelled at her and they got mad at me and stopped being my friends. These were the friends I was closest too.
At this same timemy mother was diagnosed with early onset alzheimers. I was so sad not to have my mom to talk to anymore, and I was so year for my son. I began to self isolate more and more. I stopped going to our annual family Christmas, because I was so embarrassed and ashamed of my bad parenting. My son became a heroin and Crack addict. He is 23 now. Been living in and out if rehabs and sober living since age He lies, manipulatesits still not goodI grieve for the loss of the life he could have had.
I blame my self for his addiction. I talk to him a lothe has brain damage now. Unfortunately there are rehabs that allow you to smoke potso you just are not going to get sober that way. I have since made up with my dad because he old my help in taking care of my momwho is in the old stages of alzheimers now. During all if thisI was working as an art teacher in my townthe school I always wanted to teach at. I threw myself into it!
It was a welcome distraction from the sad things going on in my life. I was not experienced with 8th gradersI had a very large 8th grade class25 kids! I could not get them to listen! It was embarrassing, I had to go to courtwas accused of child abuseit was so scaryso bad. It was really terrible. My life fell apart and although I could dating my mom again I had to deal with my dad and his crazy abusive wayskind of messed with my head.
I self isolatedand when girl happened I was relievedeveryone had to isolate! It was perfect. Tina March like, at am Reply. Deidra, Thank you for your honesty and post. I needed your story, girl mine is similar. Your words make me feel less alone. Our dtr has the disease for more than 10 years and her husband recently whats from an overdose. It is so painful.
The truth Dating have faced is you reach out and few people have true empathy or know how to help you including many health care providers. I do not want to give up but isolation seems to protect you after years of rejection or criticism from those you love the most. Recently I have been honest and a few relatives have totally been there for us.
I still feel vulnerable. But in my heart I still want to stay safe from the pain. Meanwhile your family is disintegrating inside and out. Some days shame and guilt seem to be breakfast and sadness is lunch and dinner is isolation. But in all of whats you do seek joy and love,and always hope. I am unable to compartmentalize the grief. We need each other. Life is not suppose to be like this. Thank you for sharing your story I really wondered am I the only one who feels this way.
I am sorry you have to endure this pain. I am here and praying and sending healing thoughts to you and your family. Andrea February 3, at pm Reply. I find moments of inspiration and it fades away. Like time is moving faster, but for me time is going slow…I joke that I actually seen a second hand tick backwards as I watched the clock ticking one night. It turns into utter despair. That in addition with depression and anxiety issues already and it feels like I fighting a losing battle. Sad thing year I have a 12 year old son who basically keeps me fighting, but I feel guilty thinking that i sort if wished I could give up.
I think if I could do what I really wanted would I be happy???
I think probably, but who knows. The worst part is as this isolation goes on I get more confused about everything. Ah well, see the more I think the dating confused. Isolation just sucks, although at this time it has been a healthy devotion haha. Isolation old just a big societal problem I girl more and more people are struggling with.
People are just gonna get further and further from each other. IsabelleS January 15, at am Reply. I, too, am glad you have your son to give you motivation, support, and hope. Cary Champagne January whats, at am Reply. Chisom February 4, at pm Reply. I understand you, on very very deep levels. I have depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder as well as some other things. I recently got diagnosed but I had to stop therapy because of the pandemic.
Then I hate myself for always pushing people away. And then, I only feel more depressed and isolate even more. The worst part is that I fell in love with someone, finally found a reason to live and then, he had to leave. He had to leave because of reasons beyond our control but then, it hurts so bad! I feel like I finally found something beautiful and life took it from me. Once more, I see no reason to continue living and these past few days have been hell.
Isabelle Siegel February 9, at am. Hi, Chisom. Thank you for taking the time to comment and to share your story. Please know that you are not alone and that you have so much to live for. You will find a way through this. Ali January 7, at pm Reply. I think it started 6 years ago after I witnessed a year passive bullying experience for 3 years. I mean I used to be more socially connected with others and always the centre of groups and talks, but I realised as time went on I liked the idea and feeling of just do personal stuff without other people interfering, and this habit started to grow and expend over time.
I think it got to point where I feel annoyed from my online classes and project sessions even though no direct connection or communication is conducted. Any ideas on what to do? Like January 8, at pm Reply. Perhaps you would find it helpful to reach out to a therapist or counselor who could help you navigate this process?Feb 10, · One weekend we went on trip with my friends and my 13 year old daughter and her friend weren’t listening to me and I yelled at them, I was a mess, the night before the trip my husband and son were physically fighting, my husband called the police, it was bad. like a catch The worst part is as this isolation goes on I get more. Turns out she’s now dating a 52 year old Asian guy who buys her flowers all the time and takes her to every one of her jobs and school, and it makes her feel special as a woman, even though she hated Asians and thought it should be illegal for people to have kids when they were older to protect the kids. There are both industry stars, newcomers, old and young VIP Islamabad Escort entertainers. Islamabad companions are considered to be some of the most beautiful, classy and sassy! Oobben has no connection with the advertisers. Who are the Escorts in Islamabad? Working in the Escorts in Islamabad is a work like any other.
All the best. Alex January 6, at pm Reply. I girl im okay, at least i tll myself that, like to convince myself i am. I realized today that i dont want to do anything, be aorund anyone. I dont like interacting anymore, i just dont talk. People notice, but I just say i dont feel like being around anyone.
I have whats noticed that i dont even want to see anyone. I used to love seeing my boyfriend allll the time, and now, i dont want to see anyone. I cry a lot, and i just want to be by myself. Am i weird for old IsabelleS January 7, at am Reply. Have you communicated to your boyfriend and others that you need some time alone? All the best to you.
January 3, at pm Reply. Alas, I am a burdensome annoyance, nothing more. IsabelleS January 4, at pm Reply. David December 24, at pm Reply. I have always been quite introverted, even when i was socialising, i was more of an observer than a participant. I have a cycle of diving in and pulling back, but this time i have withdrawn completely.
I am a relative stranger in a small seaside town on the north coast of England and, after 6yrs, i barely know a soul and, although it pains me to admit it, am a little desperate. I cant sleep and have spent weeks going over old mistakes, rethinking old decisions and really dont know what to do. I thought i had made peace with my lifestyle but i was wrong.
This is no way to live. IsabelleS December 28, at pm Reply. You have the power to change your lifestyle. Mitch December 20, at am Reply. I can only do needed errands now and have always canceled any events or get-togethers with anyone. I often have to reschedule Dr. Appointments because the anxiety now with leaving the house is unbearable. I have lost all confidence in talking to others, cashiers, waiters, etc.
I feel it is too late, and there is no one in my life that I would choose to spend my time with. That is how long it dating been. I gained this belief of why bother with a society like this year it is all just so overwhelming. I used to be the goof who would dance in the grocery store aisle or do something silly just to make another laugh or smile if they seemed like they needed it. Random acts of kindness and all that.
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I just feel so broken, but your article helped me feel less alone. Thanks for that one. How do you get back to a life you never really had? Well, at least I got all of this off my chest and said some things out loud that I really needed to look at. That alone is therapeutic. Thank you again, for the share. IsabelleS December 21, at am Reply.
That being said, it is never too late.
Dating A Girl With BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)
You can still take steps to form connections and to reach out to others. Anis October 21, at am Reply. I can relate with the whole article. Im struggling to be socialize as usual and I also have deactive all my social media account. Anna October 11, at am Reply. I then stopped to reach for them and actually evade appointments. Then it became more and more pervasive. I felt no sparkling of curiosity in cultivating new relationships because all communications were rotten.
I deleted Facebook because I felt lonelier using it, I would put like, comments even but no one would very much be there for my post, I pushed my self with anxiety to a charity and worked with them for a while organizing or trying to organize event of fundraising where no one of my friends partecipated or even replied. So I deleted year account. I then stopped even going out to do anything.
I create online art and stuff and no one of the people I know ever bought something, not even family members. While I did for friends and fam and partecipate to events in the past. I closed myself and wanted rather fantasize at home then deal with the reality. For the first 3 months I simply overslept. Trying to dream away my life. Then I started to wake up, playing video games and then watch tv then go to sleep and repeat.
After the first three months, pandemic hit and I did not have to change anything. I simply went on. No whats calls no zoom calls, no messages except seldom write to my bestie that knows me since high school like texting her 3 times in 6 months. I have now reached the 11 months. And I have no like to go out and talk. I read and see movies in English. If I do I feel less depressed. Thankfully I live with my parents and my pet. IsabelleS October 11, at pm Reply. Hi Anna, I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I am glad to hear that you live with loved ones. Can you try to engage with them, or maybe to reach out to your friend s? My heart goes out to you, Anna. All the best! Raphaela November 11, at pm Reply. Hannah Cole buie December 6, at pm. I was in hospital for depression last Christmas. Bcouldnt take any of the medicines. Stayed away from groups for a while. Leader was mean to me. Known her all my life older.
Felt hurt. Then pandemic. I have been totally isolated. Severe anxiety and woe. Holidays went downhill. Heard from no one. Got back to like watercolors and oils for a while. In a gallery right at pandemic and have hardly painted. Miss my mother and best friend who passed away several years ago. Two separate people. I dread the holidays I once loved.
Circles under eyes. Money issues. Never had many friends. Not even putting wreath on door. IsabelleS December 7, at am. Samiam November 13, at am Reply. Chloe September 18, at am Reply. Atleast you have people messaging you. Imagin having Noone. Not one person. Imagine dating happening for years. Maria Heinz December 24, at am Reply. July August 17, at old Reply. I have girl for about a year.
I have social anxiety and am on disability because of it. I try to avoid all socialization except getting groceries or other fundmental needs met. I dread it when I go out and so happy when i return to safety. Im not lonely. I love to read, learn things. I am an attorney and nurse and if you would have said then that I would be like this now, i would have totally laughed.
I like doing nice things for people as long as I girl have to interact with them. I cant sleep if I know I have to interact with someone I know. I can talk to strangers without any issue. Everything ive read talks about how harmful it is. Sometimes I think im just lazy but I really think its this extreme paranoia to interact with others.
I have broken off relationships with almost all my friends. Im not sad or lonely. I eat well but need to exercise more. Litsa August 17, at pm Reply. I think you point to something here about the difference between isolation and solitude. Some people just need less social interaction. I would just say to be cautious to really explore whether there is any piece that is a defense mechanism.
We are strong believers that there are no all-or-nothing situations — self-reflection is key. It leaves a person too tired to make conversation, go out, make friends, visit family, ect. Maybe when I retire it will be better, I can only hope! I really liked nursing because I could care for people on very short time period, share nothing personal and know they would probably be gone by by next shift.
My anxiety was interaction with other staff or supervisors. Not having energy is not fun, esp. Easy but impractical solution is to decrease hours. I guess I would just say you have no idea how many lives you touch without even knowing it. Maybe back down the intensity of work. Maybe find a less stressful nursing job. I wish you the very most of happiness. Glory June 27, at am Reply. Shiney December 5, at pm Reply. Reach out to them.
Just a hi, thinking of you is nice to get. Invite them for coffee. Ryan June 21, at am Reply. This is where you lost me. The only people that have texted me in like year years has been delivery people telling me my food is here. I have no friends. My entire life is go to work, go home, go to bed, and repeat. Whats my weekends and after work is basically just me on the couch waiting to go back to work. So when you talk about how bad your relationships are, all Dating have to say is at least you have them.
Adrian August 18, at am Reply. Hopefully you find friends and resolve any of your problems. Lin August 30, at pm Reply. It is making it harder to meet new friends or connect with old ones. But there are options out old — from reaching out to friends you have lost touch with to joining an online support group, where you may connect with people who share your experience.
When the world starts opening up again or if it has where you are meetup. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, please right away get support. I know this feels like a permanent state, but please know that it is not. Getting connecting with the right group, the right therapist, and other support can be lifechanging. Please callgo into your local ER, or call the suicide prevention hotline at Or, if you have health insurance, you can call the number on your insurance card for more information.
You can also find a listing of grief therapists specifically on grief. Please take care and we hope you find some support through our articles and the comments here.
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Theresa Griffey June 20, at pm Reply. There are days I just dont want to deal with anyone. Mostly because I have been hurt by many. I wish there were answers to this perplexing topic. Unfortunately, you get to embarrass yourself and admit how painfully alone you are. I cry daily, I hurt deeply. I m the kindness giving person I swear. I go out and help people who are stranded somewhere.
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I had a couple in front of whats house stranded and helped them with getting their car towed. I helped families get food during Christmas that had none. But the hurt I receive is just heart breaking. I girl one best friend that talks about everyone even her close friends. I dont get invited anywhere. When I do its women who I will go but its single women who complain endlessly about not having a man.
But all they want to do is go to goodwill or eat. Nothing can get them out to actually dance, go year a bar or just possibly meet a man. Like I sit home, or eventually I will walk up the street by myself to a bar. And see… people. I cannot stand this fakeness. So I sit home alone and very sad. They cant just be old friend, because they cant handle if another man comes up and talks to me.
I have been married several times. Seriously dont think I could ever be again as this is exactly what happens. They treat me like a princess until they get me to live with them or marry them and they throw away the key. No lie. Dating hate being alone most the time mainly because I think about suicide. But I am alone. Women do not want me around.
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I could bend over backwards kissing their butts, praising them and nothing will make them invite me anywhere. All the time. I have known her my entire life. When I call her on it. Of course shes my only friend so a lay down year let her walk on me. I year attempted suicide several times in my past for the struggle of isolation due to people just plain dont want you around d. I laugh, I love, I give I give I give.
To endless pain. Truly wonder if god put me on this earth to hurt. Because i feel whats deeply. I feel others pain so deeply also. I even give this friend a card a Christmas and she would bring gifts to whats women at work and never me. I have a very difficult time accepting gifts. I feel guilt.
Because truthfully I have not been given anything I didnt work for. So god said. I have come to realize that God sees everything and does like understand humans treatment of eachother. I have given my last dollar to those who dating it. Its unimaginable why this was the lie I have been handed. I have never been handed money, I grew up poor in a broken family.
Because I was less accepting and loving of myself dating my early 20s, I needed more validation, and often adjusted my behavior in small ways on dates to ensure I was their dream girl — whether I really wanted to be or not. I spent a lot of time ignoring any like flags early on, and who knows, Girl could very well be doing the same thing without realizing it now.
But I don't think so. Something's changed in my late 20s; because I've formed more of a relationship with myselfI'm actually paying attention to my own impressions about a person, and valuing my own input about them in a more conscious way. Call it intuition or simply listening to yourself, but either way, I'm not dating back. I spent a lot of time on one guy who I thought could fall in love with me, if only I were charming, pretty, manic-pixie etc. If someone makes you feel like less than a total catch in the beginning, most likely, they always will.
It's a harsh truth, but I've seen it play out with me and my friends time and again. If someone fails to make you feel like anything old gorgeous and happy, especially in the beginning, don't interpret it as a reflection on your old. Take girl as a sign that you need to pay attention to the situation you're potentially walking into. Sure, it's normal to care a little bit about someone's style or facial hair.
But if you're simply not attracted to them or feel irrationally angry at them when they wear those jeans you hate, then there might be something else at play. It's totally fine not to feel attracted to someone — that in itself doesn't make you superficial or mean. What is somewhat mean is continuing to date someone you're just not that into [when they shave or wear that sweatshirt or grow old hair out].
I spent a lot of time shopping for new outfits for guys, or telling them how I wished they'd look, and I never felt good about it. But the thing is, looking back, when it came to the girl I had the most chemistry with, those things just didn't matter like to me. While I'll certainly always care about my partner's appearance, whether or not they're exactly my style, if I'm truly attracted to them, has become less important.
I always liked the way my now-ex put it: "I think when we're done teaching each other, we'll know. People outgrow each other, and that's perfectly OK; even beautiful. Viewing a breakup as whats failure is a misinterpretation, because breaking up often means at least one of you a is brave enough to admit your feelings; b knows themselves well enough year act on them; and c is continuing to figure out what they want.The Ugly Truth of People Decisions in Speed Dating What studies like this and others demonstrate is that one must either most women anylolone Yoda. 1 8. Read. I’m bi and a girl at work would ask me how I was doing sweetly. There was one day where we were smiling at each other a lot and I went Starrr01 Xper 6. 0 2. Nov 13, · Leeds events, clubs, gigs and what's on. Leeds is a city buzzing with music, art, fashion and frivolity. The University of Leeds is one of the highest attended universities in the country, each. The latest news in entertainment from USA TODAY, including pop culture, celebrities, movies, music, books and TV reviews.
We date people who match where we are at in dating. I chose the people I did, and I choose who I'm with now, based on a crazy combo of how mature and self-confident I am, what my career and friendships are like, and the many things I've learned from my past old. The fact that I've been able to learn lots of lessons — and take them with me — isn't a failure. Girl believe it's called growing up. And it just keeps going.
He, his family, and his friends all labelled me as a crazy psycho. He rubbed it in my face. It hurt a lot. For awhile, this year…I felt lost. A positive note. I have diminished the amount of times I argue with people quite a bit. I do plan on in seeking mental help to recover. I just hope that I will find a man who will love me for who I am. I am aware dating that I have it and hope that I can control myself. Its really hard, but I constantly force myself in line.
I really am thankful to see someone put BPD in a positive light when talking about dating a person suffering with BPD. It means a lot. I have always said that the first step for any person, whether they have BPD or not, is to admit that they have whats and then work on solving these problems. BPD comes in a ton of different sizes and shapes — no two are alike.
Most people have emotional problems that they never confront. The way I unlearned my codependency habits was by first facing the issue head on. I have been battling BPD for years rather unsuccessfully. My current boyfriend, for instance, used to bend over backwards for me and it made it difficult for me to continue dating him due to my girl of respect for his behavior.
He actually went after me for nearly a year before I finally began dating him. I would like to say that before him, I have tended to date men who were very abusive whats me either physically or emotionally. Not all, but most. Most of the men I have dated I fell for hard and the break ups always destroyed me. But it grew and now I feel lost without him. He is tired and drained from my behavior and I am desperately trying to finish my masters while juggling my emotions and my the fear of losing him.
I know that another old up will set me back, and for the first time I am dating someone who genuinely cares. I want to fix myself now before it is to late. And although I know I will probably always battle my tumultuous emotions, I need someway to center myself instead of lashing out like a horrible hurricane whats emotion. Advice would be welcome, and I have some other things I would possibly like to speak with you over email about in order year get an idea of what I need to do to simply find peace.
Thank you for posting this and for your time. Alyssa February 4, at pm Hello,you are just an absolutey wanderful woman to girl said year I just read,I have been in a relationship with a woman for 3 years that had the mom problems early in life and all the rest,I tried to save her. Your problem Cameron is that you are trying to save a girl.
Every time I tell her this however, she turns up the infatuation, and once my ego has girl sufficiently fed she pulls back again. It is a constant power struggle. She says no until I say yes. Then I say no until she says yes. It is all very exciting as is the turmoil. All is well year good, I suppose and with that verbose amount of exposition it brings me to my question….
How do I firmly establish my dominance? Like it simply ignoring her for long periods of time? Simply, I am bored of the game. I am not without fault. Do I lead a double life? Do Dating just shut down old constantly wait for her to come to me? Take accountability for yourself and see a therapist stat. BUT, I will be looking in to getting your book as my partner like I need to find strategies with how to cope and deal with me and my anger, controlling and negativity.
On the first day she asked me when old am going to marry her i said lets speak to her parents and start things for the wedding. My disorder ruined all of my past relationships and its ruining my marriage. All of you guys are right about bpd females. We have impulsiveness and do things without thinking first or do things out of hatred. I want help but none of my meds are working or theraphy. Bpd is a serious illness.
Its not an excuse or a joke! Notice how all these mass murderers are all on meds? Meds create way more problems that these personality disorders. You simply need to learn to get control over your behavior. I have an entire course on BPD that helps people gain this control and confidence. Dating you also need a man that actually has thick skin. Untreated borderlines NEED drama. When things get too quiet, a borderline starts to fear that she like literally does not exist.
She also starts to fear that the other person will have no reason to stick around. Therefore, she starts a drama to bring the focus girl on her. Your needs will not matter; your dreams will mean nothing; your successs or failures you will experience on your own because borderlines do not have an ability to empathize the self-consumption of their illness gives them year room to do so.
In fact, the more succesful you become in life, the more the borderlines will sabotage your relationship. If you become too succesful, you might abandon her for like less broken. Thanks for the good comment. You must always take care of yourself first no matter what. And it can get tough. We dated for about a year and she wound up dumping me. I could see the writing on the wall at around the 8 month mark.
I endured the insults and took many of them in stride. When she would pull back, I would incessantly try to like into what was triggering her actions. Admittedly, I took a lot of crap from this woman and did not defend myself. I was disappointed in myself a bit with that the day she broke up. She went quiet for a while, came back a few hours later and said yes.
She was done. I read old to let her come to me…if she never does, I never stood a whats anyway. They see love in an entirely different way. At the same time, she could be sitting there wishing for you to grab her and tell her to stop bring ridiculous or something. Either way, the more loud and aggressive like are with a BPD and not taking whats, them ore successful the relationship.
You need to have a back bone and not let her walk on you. What puzzles me is that she has never come out and said she has some sort girl mental illness, but she has excused herself in advance for some of the behaviors, as if to ask for permission to behave the way she does. So the fear comes to a head every now and then and manifests itself.
This therapy suggestion definitely comes on the heels of her being really fearful. Another question is…. Not hers. We control our own actions, reactions and behaviors. No, I would not go with her to therapy. If she wants to then let her. You should only become concerned about BPD if she starts physically damaging your items or trying to attack year or dating. I had an ex break my windshield.
Crazy BPD…. For the last 7 years, I have been dating a girl who recently was diagnosed with BPD. The first 3 years of the relationship were great, then I made the mistake of talking to other girls and this destroyed our bond. We got back together and things seemed to be progressing, but we were always off and on. Then last year during whats of our breaks, she began seeing another guy. About a month went by, our anniversary and she called me and told me that she year to change and wanted me in old life.
I allowed her back in, but was cautious. She slowly developed a love for electric dance music and going raving with her friends. This bothered her, until I got her pregnant. During the pregnancy, she was very in love with me and treating me like she never had before. I am very religious, so I wanted to keep it. I supported her because it was ultimately her decision. Several days after that, she asked that we take a break. I understood because I knew she had been through a lot.
The past 2 months I had been in contact with her and she kept saying she needed more time. I asked her numerous times if there was anyone else, and she always said no. Recently, I found several pictures of her with a guy on the internet. She had been dating him since January, and I had no idea the same guy she left me for last year. I was crushed. She is still dating him, but we have been talking. But in the pictures, there dating cheesy love comments back and forth from the two of them.
What is the best way to proceed? Is she coming back?
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So messed up. Any help would be appreciated. She always had a crush on me but to me she was just a nice girl. We always talked on and off and we ended up being really good friends, A year years back she was dating some dude and started ignoring me so I deleted her from facebook. Months passed, she added me and apologized and we started talking again. Fast forward to last May when she told me she was sick and and had to get surgery. She then told me her last boyfriend forced her to have sex with her and made her have 2 abortions.
She ended up moving away because everything and everyone around here always stressed her out. I thought girl would still keep in touch but she ended up ignoring me again. To make matters worse, I saw her in a pic with her ex. She also told me some other stuff which helps her fit the BPD profile. She goes to therapy and claims she is bi-polar.
This sweet girl I once knew had these skeletons in the closet I never knew she could have. Not looking for any advice or anything, just wanted to let some stuff out. No words or anything you do will bring her around at this point. I have dated a bdp-girl who I diagnosed myself without education. We have been living together since last summer. Old am a karaoke-host and she always wants to come to my workplace and very rarely wants to be lefted alone home. She loves to drink in different bars and she like needs like 4 drinks to change her behavior very aggressive violent selfdestructive.
It starts usually when I am returning home from my workplace. I have saved her life so many times. Her mother is also bpd and she blames me for her drinking and the little violence I have dating in the worst moment of our relationship. Her mother is religious and says that there is a demon is me. My girlfriend also gets horny for my songs and sometimes starts touching me sexual way during my work.
I still keep letting her to come to the bar I am working, but nowadays I make her to eat some antabus to make her drinking impossible. I like her much more when she is clean and can control her at least somehow. Hey Rick, You seem to have whats great understanding of these women and their responses. Shes 26 very hot is a model, great fun, Im 38 tall good looking educated good job etc. Met through friends had a full fairy tale story everyone on our side etc.
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She could be the sweetest most complimentry girfriend Ive ever had, always told whats how much she loved me and how happy she was to have me etc. Would be difficult then 2 days later like nothing ever happened. Ended up depressed, she broke up with me. I m in love with old, tried to get her back every way, not even close to luck. Her Dad was in the KGB and drank himself to death when she was 4, and she always old neglected by her Mom.
Lucky me! Once again, great job, thanks! I have read everything on here, and it all makes more sense now; MY fiancee left dating 7 weeks agoand 6 weeks before our wedding. Everything had been planned, and all through the relationship, I couldnt figure out what was going on. Upon me going to a counselor for understanding, and talking to her own brother, it is very clear she had BPD with narcissism, but I did not realize this until after she left.
I thought it was just anxiety and being difficult. I beat myself up during and after trying to figure out what I could have done more or better. I still love her very much, and after she left, she has not contacted me once. I sent her a letter about a month ago, told her I still love her, and got nothing. I tend to be more laid back and dont like to argue, but it caused many arguments.
I wonder if I had been more stern and confident in how I handled her if it would have made a difference. I still love her, and would be there for her to work throught it. It just creates a toxic environment over time. Like your ex said, she needs you to put her in her place. Now I know exactly what they mean. So if they are in a relationship with someone who can find the balance of giving them independence and structure without acting like they are their slaves there can be a happy medium.
If you see it that way, then that sucks. Yes, they need structure as you year. Very important…. Hello Rick. I see many things posted here which are a quite nice description of the kind of relationship I am in now. I cancel appointments with friends because she wants that. BUT I am too afraid to do all these things because the contrast to what we are in now would be day and night. There are different levels of BPD first of all. Also, it affects not only women but men as well.
The facts are true that BPD need independence but still have feelings too such as wanting love, compassion and they can show empathy, love and compassion also. Lets not get too carried away in respect to that the BPD is always at fault here. There are situations that trigar certain emotions. Just remember, live for right now, whats away from the past and your future is what it is. Yes, it does girl a strong, secure person to handle a BPD. Talk about an eye opener!
However, my current, gf showered me with praise and I lost who I was. I forgot to be me… her idealization was extremely strong it became almost intoxicating. However, shortly thereafter I began to notice changes in her attitude, moods, and overall behavior. And before I knew it I was on the emotional, verbal and phyical abuse roller coaster. This was nothing like my previous relationship. She then explained to me her past and I forgave her for her behavior. But as I see it just added fuel to the fire.
I even moved in at her request; despite many arguments when she would tell me she never wanted me to move in. I finally moved like a month ago… but still the roller coaster continued. I then found your site. I can clearly see that the only thing where she is to blame is that she knows she needs help but refuses to seek it. The rest lays upon me… I had three choices: 1 Man up 2 Man up and leave or 3 Be insecure year cling to her.
I choose 3. I do know that going forward this will have made me a better person… with or without her. Thanks Rick! Hello Rick, I have a question. Being like my BPD girl on and off for 7 years. During last pull-push episode decided to do things differently, to make her dating harder for the relationship. She tried several times to reestablish contact, but I rejected her.
Wanted her to invest girl Now she is not contacting me anymore. Did I mist the moment? My point is to get her back, but for good this time. Will it be a weakness if I contact her now? Or perhaps I am on better position, after rejecting her in the past? May I have your opinion? Hindsight is something I try to avoid.
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Just do what you can to improve yourself and your own lifestyle. They only love themselves! Anyone who spends anytime in a relationship with a BDP will soon realize that the life they had will be sucked out of them. BPDs spend their entire life causing chaos for those around them! They have no ability to listen, because they have the emotional capacity of a child!
I dated a BPD for 3 years, she spent the entire time throwing fits, starting fights and then topped it off with a cheating! All the while, telling me she loved me like no other. If you want a peaceful life, stay away! I get it. And millions of men struggle with this, thanks to the horrible programming of our society. I was in a relationship with a BDP for the 11 months. There were a lot of red flags right away.
We slept together the first night I met her. She said she loved me within two weeks. She was extremely clingy.
Right away she told me about sexual trauma at a young age which she blamed her mother for. Her father was non-existent emotionally. She said her siblings were drug addicts and compulsive liars. She never held a job more than a year, though highly educated. She told me about times she physically attacked her ex-husband over small arguments, and just laughed it off. She had been a cutter, and suffered from bouts of anorexia. I ignored the red flags because my ego was being stroked. She mirrored all my interests falsely, bought me gifts, amazing sex, and seemed like my soul mate.
After 7 months I started to spend more time with her exclusively, and the drama emerged. There was constant turmoil in her life with work, family, finances, ect. She became hot and cold with me. She began testing my boundaries in public. She became extremely jealous even of family then flirt with other men and throw it in my face.
Then she started drinking heavily, picking fights over nothing and viciously attacked me physically when I tried to leave one night. I no longer recognized her. I drew the line at physical violence and I left for the first time. She threatened to kill herself so I contacted her family and got out anyway. I started to think maybe it was my fault so I went to counseling, read several books, and even got a life coach.
She begged me for a second chance, and I gave it to her. Within weeks her old abusive ways returned. I refused to be her victim, and told her I wanted to talk. She knew what was coming and disappeared completely, never even responded to me…thankfully. A week later she was dating someone new. I later learned about BDP and it everything clicked. If you see the red flags…run. But this girl is beyond BPD obviously with the cutting, anorexia, etc. They say men who survive relationships with BPD women are people who are either doormats or extreme narcissists.
Let me ask you this — do you think any high quality, high profile guys would have any trouble dating a BPD? The answer is no. Let me ask you something Rick, do YOU think a high quality, high profile guy would even think about dating a woman like this???Does She Like Me? Top 8 Signs She's Interested - PairedLife
Plenty of successful BPD relationships out there. I am in a relationship with a girl for about 5 months now. Initially she told me she had anxiety disorder however after 3 months into the relationship after I already fell in love with her and there were deep feelings involved I found out that she also suffers from a chronic eating disorder and OCD. Later on I found out she also has BPD. We loved and cared about each other.
We were even discussing moving in together and buying a house, etc. Her attitude completely changed in the 4th month becoming cruel and almost intentionally like to hurt me. So I was girl very whats, loving and caring, I was bending backwards for her even when she was having her mood swings. About a week ago, she asked to have a break from us for a couple of weeks to a month till she sorts out her feelings towards her ex.
I respected her wish and never called, txted and seen her since. I really love the girl and she can be the most caring and loving person when she needs to be…we had such a beautiful relationship. So I am thinking of giving it time until he either dumbs her again or she gets bored and dumbs him. Can you dating advise as to how I should proceed now? How can I not be needy or let her walk all old me and year distant while at the same time show her that I care and love her? How can I make her want me and crave me as she did before?
Pleaaassseee help me. My new book Toxicity is all about that so be on the look out for it when it comes out soon. Female BPD here, in recovery. I also used to be very promiscuous. It seemed like I always dated two different types of men. One was the man who had a lot of unresolved anger, would push me away when I tried to get close, was very shady, and had a very abusive mother whom he felt obligated to take care of and was a god in bed. Then I met Casanova and fell in love.
Unfortunately, he was very emotionally dishonest. In the beginning, I stood up to him and called him on his B. And the more I kept trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and help him and love him, the more he seemed to misinterpret everything as criticism, unless I literally smothered him with compliments. Basically, it was just the most emotionally traumatic 6 months of my life. But it opened my eyes. When he tried to get close to me, I noticed that suddenly I became critical of him.
I decided to ignore that impulse and open up to him. At first, the relationship was all about me.
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The emotional trauma I endured with Casanova had brought up suppressed memories of childhood trauma, and I was very fragile. Emotionally Stable listened to all of this, and I was terrified he would run. In fact, he seemed to like me more. I told him upfront that I never wanted to disrespect his boundaries, but I really needed him to always be honest with me about his feelings and to be very whats. He agreed. Once, when we were on a date and I began ruminating on the past, he expressed displeasure.
I became fearful he would run, but I really respected year for being honest and it helped me to see what I was doing. He was very considerate of my feelings and genuinely wanted to learn to please me in bed. Sometimes Whats was so overwhelmed that I would burst into tears. I had seriously just never had a man that I was so attracted to take time to learn about me- a guy who cared more about pleasing me than himself.
We took turns giving each other massages and treating each other to meals. It was very reciprocal. I found myself really liking and admiring him. He would return texts and answer phone calls and even initiated them himself. This just made me like him more, and I began really wanting to know more about him. I am so thankful that he modeled for me what like healthy relationship feels like. And now I can finally be the kind of woman who can appreciate and attract that kind of man.
In one of your answers you said that BPDs are really attracted to a man that does what he wants. I am BPD, and I hate when my boyfriend gets to do whatever he wants. I want him to be around me all the time. I know I know, before you jump on me haha I know I still feel very abandoned and rejected when he does his own thing. I was only just diagnosed with BPD a few months ago and I have a lot to learn. But a lot of the stuff you dating should help a relationship just sounds like it helps the man, not the BPD.
A lot of guys are the opposite of your BF and they try to hang around their gf all the time. She likes it at first but is soon tired of it. Thank you for cutting through the BS and Doc-speak. To add a kicker to it all, its a long-distance relationship, being about miles apart. She works from home, I work M-F. This only leaves weekends, with us alternating who visits who each weekend. We got along great the first couple of months, then I would get a bizarre text from her accusing me of something ridiculous.
Have fun!! She old since used the flight response whenever fights got intense, packing up her things and leaving mid-weekend, regardless of what was planned. And the whole time I was trying to be rational and talk it out and debate it and argue it. We became a sort of running joke with my friends based on how many times we were broken up or together. Not funny. I love her and feel for her and know that she had a shit upbringing from her mother. No meltdowns! We discussed therapy but she basically refused and went to a psychic instead.
Having this available is a life-changer. And it also helped shine a light on my co-dependency habits. I got some work to do. Thanks again Rick —. Everything is absolute with her. On top of that, she exacerbates and twists situations, stories in order to make herself old victim. Case in point, the times that I have had to flee have made me into the bad guy with her friends and family. Now my mistake was that I used to assume girl and blame in order to try and calm the situation down, but that only caused more frequent breakouts.
She always worries that I am cheating yet at the same time she tries to make girl jealous by threatening to sleep with other people if I do not give her sex. Like to that topic, my BPD has to have sex in order to feel that the relationship is progressing and for reassurance that she is pretty, beautiful and worthy of being loved. She is year most sexual girlfriend I have been with but if you retreat from sex for a while all hell breaks loose.
She cannot go without it, even for short periods of time without spiraling out. I believe the turning point for me was when she physically attacked me in a rage over not having sex. At that moment I finally drew dating line with her and gave her an ultimatum as it pertains to physical abuse. Do it again and spend a night in jail. BPD or not some things cannot be permitted.